


I'm sorry (Oooh such an original title)

by afincf_tirwer



Series: cap-ironman bingo fill [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve is having bad dreams, Steve is regretful, cap-ironman bingo fill, i think, idk - Freeform, kinda sad but hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 07:28:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7675504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afincf_tirwer/pseuds/afincf_tirwer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers managed to save Bucky from persecution but lost the bond he shared with Tony. With his former lover haunting him, will he gather up the courage to bridge the gap?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm sorry (Oooh such an original title)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is for the cap-ironman bingo fill and is also my first Stony fic. I hope you enjoy it and if you think the rating is wrong or spot any mistakes please tell me. This isn't beta read so all the mistakes are mine.

The rain splattered messily on the windows on Steve’s room. T’challa had been kind enough to allow them to stay in Wakanda and offered them full suites with bathrooms and kitchens. Steve lay on his bed, staring up the ceiling. His clock read three AM, the numbers glowing with a stark red light. The bright blue orbs slid slowly shut. Red; like Iron Man, red, like the blood that had stained his face, red, like the anger that had run hot through his veins, burning his common sense and destroying reason. Steve replayed the expression on Tony’s face again and again; the look of betrayal, the hurt that had decorated his features when he found out Steve had lied to him. He turned onto his side with his eyes shut tightly, trying to block out the harsh red light, trying to forget how his own heart cracked when Tony Stark, the man he loved, had looked at him like he had just crushed his heart. ‘It wasn’t worth it.’ Steve thought bitterly to himself.

The words they had said swirled around in his mind, causing the supersoldier to clench his jaw to muffle his screams. Screams of frustration, heartache and guilt. Steve knew how much he had hurt Tony, choosing Bucky over him, his lover, boyfriend, partner, it didn’t matter anymore. ‘After all’, Steve thought bitterly to himself, ‘I’ve lost him forever.’ A long while later Steve drifted off into a light, troubled sleep. Tony haunted his every waking hour, his every dream until Steve thought he was going mad. Some of the worst dreams were the ones where Tony screamed at him, hurling accusations and barbs. What made it worse was every word was true and struck him in his heart, reminding him how broken he had made the other man look.

The ones that haunted his waking hours were the ones where he was reminded of the days before the Accords, before T’challa thought Bucky killed his father and before Tony found out of his betrayal. When Steve woke again with a jerk he found himself reaching for someone who wasn’t there. Before his mind truly awoke he could almost believe there was another body beside him, warm with sleep with tanned skin and gorgeous golden brown eyes. As Steve’s eyes focused he became aware of the red light of the clock again, taunting him, reminding him of the one he lost. ‘It wasn’t worth it, it wasn’t worth it, it wasn’t worth it.’ The words swirled around in his mind until Steve yelled out his frustrations, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

When he slowly reopened his eyes, the red light was still there and Steve’s temper snapped so he seized the clock and hurled it at the wall where it collided with a crash before landing on the floor in pieces. Steve turned to look as the door opened and Sam came in, his eyes full of worry. He sat on the bed gingerly and fixed a hard stare at his friend and Steve couldn’t meet his eyes no matter how hard he tried. Sam sighed heavily and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“You should talk to him. Don’t sit cooped up here beating yourself up. You two can work it out if you just try.” Steve finally summoned the will to look at Sam properly before looking away again before he spoke.

“I lied to him Sam. I kept secrets from him when I’d promised him I would be open and truthful. I hurt him and maybe I deserve to feel that same hurt.”

‘It wasn’t worth it.’ Rang in Steve’s head again. He sighed and fixed his eyes on the shattered clock. Sam ran a hand over his head distractedly.

“You’ll never know if you don’t try Steve. Don’t let something like this slip away. If it’s worth fighting for then fight for it.” The former airman patted his friend on his shoulder as he left. “Don’t lose something important if you have a chance to save it. This is your chance, don’t waste it, take it with both hands and run.” Steve ran his hands through his already sleep mussed hair before pulling out the phone he had been storing in his drawer. He opened it up and began to compose his text. He sat; staring at the screen in front of him without any idea what to say. The cursor blinked at him, taunting him but Steve just clenched his jaw and remembered how right it felt to hold Tony in his arms, how perfectly their lips fit together and his lips twitched into a small smile. He took a deep breath and began to type.

**Hey Tony, I know you probably don’t want to hear from me unless the world is crumbling around us but I need to make a few things clear. I don’t regret saving Bucky, I know he hurt you and I hurt you by hiding it but he’s my last link to my past and I was selfish and refused to let that go. I am sorry it went so far and I hope Colonel Rhodes is recovering. I still love you Tony and it wasn’t worth it. The Accords weren’t worth losing you and I wish I could have both you and Bucky but I know I can’t. You may not love me anymore but I know I could never stop loving you. I know that even Bucky can’t fill the whole left in my life but I couldn’t let him go. I'm so sorry for how I hurt you Tony. It wasn’t worth it.**

**-Steve**

The blond supersoldier sent the text quickly, before he changed his mind or lost his nerve. He watched the blinking light that indicated the text had been sent and noted that it was only five thirty and he locked the phone before replacing it in his drawer and lying down to try and fall asleep. There was no point in keeping himself up over a text, Tony would reply when he was ready and that could be the first step in rekindling their friendship.

When Steve finally slipped into his dreams he remembered how warm Tony had been when he managed to drag the engineer out of his lab and into a bed. He recalled the soft feeling in his stomach when he saw Tony slumped over his work table, fast asleep and dreaming. Steve could almost feel the weight in his arms as he carried his boyfriend up to bed and in his dream he could almost believe that Tony was sleeping beside him. Soon the dream changed, Steve could feel himself beating Tony, he could feel the strain in his muscles when he was poised to bring the shield down, he remembered how his heart cracked when Tony had said he wasn’t deserving of the shield and he could hear the dull clang it made when he dropped it to the floor. Steve woke, tears on his cheeks, reaching out for a man miles away and a heart that ached for who he had lost.

 


End file.
